Is this an authentic piece by John Cleese?
  • Jul

    3

    2012

    Today this piece is going viral on Facebook/Twitter/Internet etc. It first surfaced in 2007, apparently, but now has some comments that include current affairs. Is it really by John Cleese or is it by John Humberstone?

    ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE 

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. 

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. 

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. 

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." 


  • Jul

    3

    2012

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." 

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels . 

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. 

    Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level. 

    John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person 

    A final thought -“ Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.
  • Jul

    3

    2012

    Welcome here, BM!
  • Jul

    3

    2012

    No, John didn't write that. It was written by a Brit called John Humberstone, according to some unreliable sources I found online. But I know John's style; that's not it. Nine times out of ten, anything attributed to a celebrity wasn't actually written or said by that celebrity. George Carlin couldn't possibly have lived long enough to say everything attributed to him.
  • Jul

    3

    2012

    I WROTE THESE PIECES AND WAS WELL REWARDED.  I WAS UNDER THE ASUMPTION THAT JC APPROVED BUT i HAVE BEEN UNDER jOHN BEFORE AND HAD THE SAME SATISFACTION. WHO CARES. I LIKED IT.
  • Jul

    4

    2012

    Sort of like John Cleese's "Letter to America" thingy
  • Jul

    4

    2012

    He didn't write that, either, for the record.
  • Jul

    14

    2012

    Yeah, but it was also interesting.
  • Jul

    14

    2012

    Yes, but I bet it bothers him when inferior writing is credited to him because it sounds vaguely like something Basil Fawlty would say.
  • Jul

    17

    2012

    Well, that's not nice that they credited him as the writer of the letters, that's for sure. I'm sure it annoyed him, even if he's got similar views or opinions on certain problems.
  • Jul

    18

    2012

    i HAVE CLAIMED IT.. ENOUGH ALREADY!
  • Jul

    26

    2012

    Enough is enough.
  • Jul

    26

    2012

    No it's not.

    5 minute argument.
  • Jul

    26

    2012

    It wasn't 5 minutes yet.
  • Jul

    26

    2012

    It took me 5 minutes to read it. I'm totally confused.
  • Jul

    27

    2012

    No you're not.

    Ding ding.

    Ten shillings please.
  • Jul

    27

    2012

    But I've just paid!
  • Jul

    27

    2012

    No you didn't.
  • Jul

    27

    2012

    Yes, I did.
  • Jul

    28

    2012

    OK, I guess you must have, because I'm still arguing.
  • Jul

    28

    2012

    Exactly. Although, maybe you're arguing in your spare-time. 
  • Jul

    28

    2012

    Yes, that's it!  I'm arguing in my spare time.  Ahem.
  • Jul

    28

    2012

    But this is only contradiction, and not argument. 
  • Jul

    28

    2012

    Not it's not.
  • Jul

    28

    2012

    Yes, it is.
  • Aug

    19

    2012

    I suggest you both pay a fine for taking up extra time!
  • Aug

    19

    2012

    I paid with my joyful smile. 
  • Sep

    3

    2012

    No you didn't.




  • Oct

    26

    2012

    Yes I did.
  • Aug

    28

    2013

    No.
  • Aug

    30

    2013

    Has there been another inferior-writing-credit-bubble since last year?